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How to Reduce Stay at Home Mom Burnout (from the silent stress we feel)
As moms we have a lot of stress in our lives. We have the stress of caring for little ones, keep up our homes, dealing with bills, and much much more!
But, there are some things that we tend to stress about and feel that we can’t share our emotions about.
This isn’t good. We can’t keep hiding this stress and acting as if these things aren’t bugging us; it’s not healthy and it’s not right!
So, I’m going to bring to light what a few of these stressors are and some ways you can overcome them!
Don’t worry, you’re not alone in feeling this way; it’s something all of us stay at home moms feel once in awhile. Or, at least have felt in the past, before we overcame the fear of sharing how we truly feel!
1. Worrying You’re not Good Enough
Feeling like you’re not good enough is probably a stressor that everyone has come across before in their life; whether they want to admit it or not. But, our stress, because of our situation is slightly different from others.
We’re worried that we’re not good enough to do things that working moms do; like being able to get a job if we try, juggling a job with mom duties if we ended up working in the future. We worry that when we go out in public that if what we’re wearing is alright, or if it’s completely out of style.
Then, we have the stress of balancing the bills to make sure nothing gets missed so our electric doesn’t get shut off; cause that would be on us slipping up if it does.
We worry if the food and love we provide to our family is good enough, or if we could do better.
Is our home clean enough?
Are we disciplining our children enough? Or, too much?
Is there something we missed in all of our stay at home mom and home keeping duties?
Are we personally good enough for others to want to be around us? It gets lonely being a stay at home mom, so we can’t always tell whether people would like to be around us but are too busy, or if they are genuinely avoiding us. It’s a tough call and can cause a lot of stress, and possibly even some issues with our self confidence.
Reduce the Stress
First off, know that you’re not the only one that feels this way. If it feels like you are, then maybe you should stay off social media for a little while. Everyone puts their best out on social media to show how great they are. Not many people want to show off their flaws or insecurities, so they don’t.
Know that you’re the best mom for you children. Ignore those who tell you otherwise. You are smart, and you are enough for them, you’re enough for your husband, and you’re enough for yourself!!
Simply the fact that you’re so worried about all of these things means that you are trying to be better; and there is no one better than someone who is constantly trying to improve!!
So, go you for caring enough to better yourself!! You are awesome and unique! If other people provide you excuses for not coming around, then it’s their loss, not yours. Don’t take it too hard, they may even truly just have too full of a plate right now.
Try to relax a little when thinking you’re not good enough, because you truly are awesome!
2. Feeling judged by other Moms
There is not much that is a worse feeling than feeling judged, or looked down upon, by other moms, especially when you’re a young mom in your twenties.
It feels like a slap in the face, without actually getting slapped!
To be honest, I very much dislike the notion of women hating other women, or being mean to each other. Come on now, this isn’t high school anymore, there’s no need for that!
Personally, I haven’t really had to go through feeling judged by other moms; well, other than moms of older generations who like to butt their heads in where they don’t belong. My oldest daughter doesn’t start school til the fall. And, I’d very much appreciate not being judged by other moms of kids in my class!
Reduce the Stress
Something I want to share with you to help reduce your headache from this judgment; what someone says about someone else is usually more a reflection of themselves than of who they are speaking of. Meaning, they are judging you because they may not feel secure in their own skin.
With that thought in mind, instead of feeling judged and insecure in your own skin, take some pity on the moms judging you. Maybe they’re having a rough time right now, or they’ve been judged harshly in the past. It’s quite sad when the only joy in someones life is bringing others down.
And, it’s probably an older mom who you feel judged by, so have comfort in the fact that you are doing what she is, but at a younger age!
Maybe, instead of taking how they treat or talk to you as a sign of judgment, take it as a cry for help. See if they are struggling with something in life right now that’s causing them to act like an adolescent. Maybe even offer to grab coffee and talk. Chances are, they probably feel just as insecure as you do, or maybe even more so!
3. Always being Stuck Home with the Kids
Unfortunately, not all stresses are the same, or even feel like ‘stress’. Sometimes a stressor in our life can show up as jealousy. Say, when you husband goes out with friends on the weekend when you thought it was supposed to be ‘family time’; and you’re, yet again, stuck home with the kids as if it’s another work day for him.
And, it doesn’t matter if you have friends and would want to hang out with them; or if you don’t, you’re simply stressed because you’re always the one to stay with the kids.
He’s probably told you, as well, that he needs a break from work and just needs to relax and hang out with friends once in awhile. Which is completely reasonable; he is the one who works to make money to pay the bills. But, you’re wondering when it’s going to be your turn. When do you get to relax? When is it your turn to take a break from your job?
As moms, we truly never get a break, not really. But, we should get a chance once in awhile to hang with friends, or escape from the house for a little bit…without our kids.
Reduce the Stress
The smartest thing to do here is to COMMUNICATE with your husband about how you feel.
Let him know that it stresses you out when you’re stuck home with the kids all the time!
Be vulnerable and let him know you might be jealous that he gets a break from work and the kids, and you don’t.
Maybe work out a schedule with him where you take turns going out with friends.
Or, hire a babysitter once in awhile to go out together!!
Honestly, the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. He is your husband after all!
4. Being a Good Wife
If we’re worried about being jealous of our husbands and never getting a break, chances are we’re probably worried about being a good wife and having mom burnout, as well.
And, by being a ‘good’ wife, I mean having enough life in us by the time our husbands come home to not want to just say ‘your turn’ and then want to go up to bed to sleep!!
Believe me, there has been times when I have wanted to do that; when I was so worn out by my girls energy that I wanted to simply greet my husband at the door when he came home….on my to go to bed to sleep.
Like, we married each other so we could be with each other, because we love each other; not so we could play ‘your turn to take care of the kids, and my time to sleep’ tag! It’s not a very fun game!
Reduce the Stress
The first step to reducing this type of stress is by getting enough sleep at night. I know this can be difficult, especially for those of us who still co-sleep with a little one. But, it is vital to get enough sleep!! It will help with so many different aspects of our lives.
Second, make sure you’re eating the right foods! Eat plenty of fruits, veggies, healthy proteins and grains! Make sure you’re drinking enough water, too. All of these things will help you keep your energy up through out the day; making it less likely to want to pass out by 5 or 6pm!
The third way you can reduce this type of stress is by exercising during the day! At first it may seem counter intuitive, and at first it will be. But, trust the process; your body will adapt! The more energy you use during the day, the more energy your body will give you to use!
And, make sure you are communicating with your husband how you feel. Maybe he could agree to cooking dinner and cleaning up once or twice during the week to give you a break. Who knows, maybe all you need to do to get some extra help is ask!!
Most Importantly Give Yourself Some Grace!!
We need to give ourselves some leeway and grace. As moms, with everyone pulling us in every direction, all the time, we shouldn’t put more pressure on ourselves to ‘do it all’ or to be everything for everyone.
Why is it that we can give grace to others so easily and let them know it’s alright if they can’t do everything; they’re only human after all. But, we can’t give that same grace to ourselves?
Take a few moments to reflect on the stressors mentioned above, and in the previous posts in this series (find links below) and other things that cause you more stress than necessary during the day.
Now, imagine putting all of that stress on someone else. How would you expect them to deal with it? Would you want them stressing out over all those things, or would you want to tell them that they can relax a little and give themselves grace because they are taking on more than any one person should handle? I’m going to assume the latter!
So, give yourself grace, and stop stressing over every little thing!!
This is the final part of a 5 post series! Check out the first 4 parts!!
What Causes Stay at Home Mom Stress?
How to STOP Worrying about your Families Health!
5 Ways to Reduce Mom Stress for Wanting to be Yourself Again!!
4 Causes of Stress in Parents (and how to manage it)